Well, I contemplated posting about this subject. I thought about not doing it because I don't really want to look like I am looking for sympathy, or pity...because I'm not. After all this is a blog, a journal. It is a place where you write your feelings and express your thoughts. So...here goes....
I got laid off Tuesday. I lost my job. "Due to the economy" Polka Dot Design had to let 6 people go - and unfortunately I was one of them. I have to say it was not a shock. I was kind of expecting it because the business had slowed down so much. I wasn't expecting it so soon, but figured it was coming.
It is weird I don't work there anymore. It was a good job. One of the only places I could stand to work. (rather than being home with Denver) I figured I would be there for the long haul, or at least until Jason told me (finally) I didn't have to work anymore. I suppose I took the news OK. It was sad to leave the friends I had there, and sad that it happened so abruptly, but on the other hand it was like I had a plague or something or I was some sort of criminal being escorted out. I would think after a year and a half being there I could have gotten a little more respect.
There are so many things make me upset about the layoff. I mean it is right before the holidays to begin with. That totally sucks. The only thing that went through my mind when I heard "we're going to have to let you go" was Denver's Christmas. Is that wrong? That is all I thought about at first.
It was just a weird situation all-in-all. Some of you already know the background of what has been happening and that I WAS scared of losing my job. The secrets that go on there, and the hush hush of anything and everything. Something was wrong with that place...and I guess it is good I am out now.
I have had this feeling inside of me that I am worthless now. It is so different being laid-off, or fired than it is leaving on your own will. This was not my choice, and I would not have made this choice. It was made for me and I had no say in it. I went home that night feeling depressed, and empty. I felt sorry for myself and wanted everyone to feel sorry for me too. It was weird.
Since, my spirits have been perked up. Just yesterday, my first day as an un-employed woman, I just got a wave over me. A sense of peace and contentment. God totally took over, and put me at peace. HELLO, KATY OPEN YOUR EYES!!! Everything is ok. I looked around and realized that my life was still good. Even though I lost my job, I still have Jason, Denver and Porsche. I can't help but be happy. Heck, I'm on vacation right now! This is AWESOME!
I am lucky enough to be able to take off a short while until I find that perfect job. and I will. God will put in in the right place at the right time, and it will be fabulous! I can't wait to see what is in store! I'll be closer, happier, and...well, happiness is enough!
So, long story short...I thought that when reality hit me, I would be upset and lost for direction but it actually showed me the truth. My life is good. Actually it is awesome. I've got a great family, majorly awesome friends...and a peace about where I am that I just can't explain.
Maybe being laid-off isn't such a bad thing after all!