Wednesday, February 25, 2009

What to say.

I told you I would post more....
So, today I am not sure what the point of this is. I have had a rough couple of weeks. With Jason gone...I am here with Denver, the crazy 3-year old who doesn't want to go to bed until 11 pm. I have the 4-month old puppy who if she gets told no, get down, don't bite, don't chew on that....and so on - she pee's on the floor. There is also the fact that she has this ability to know EXACTLY when I fall asleep just so she can start to whine to go outside. Oh, yeah, did I mention that she is completely out of control too? Not only peeing on the floor, but the couches too. She also thinks it is ok to jump on top of our coffee table now. Where did she get that?
Porsche is an ease next to this monster!
I have a new found respect for single mothers. I know I said it in my last post...but even though I am getting on a routine, I am pooped, and I am tired and I seriously just want a day off. ONE DAY! I find myself getting so impatient with Denver, with the dogs...with anyone in my path. I can't help myself sometimes. I am sure it would be different if Remedy (the puppy) was not around because she seems to be the core of the madness...but it is so hard to stay grounded and stay seemingly calm with the madness around me. I need to do laundry, I need to clean the kitchen, give Denver a bath, take out the trash (which I did for the very first time IN MY LIFE, thank you very much)....get to work on time!!!!
I am completely blessed to have Jason. He does so much for us, as individuals and as a family that we are so lucky to have him.
One good thing that has come out of this so called "alone time" is that I have had a lot of time to think. I have thought so much lately about where I am in my life with Christ. - I'm good with Him. I would go to heaven when I die. But that just doesn't feel like it is enough for me. Last summer I was looking for a job in camp ministry and although that was not where God wanted us at the time, I feel like it is still something He wants for my life. I think that He just wants me too be prepared first. (funny, that I while I typed it - it sounded like the first time it actually meant something)
I have had this burning passion in my heart for some time now to just praise God. To throw myself at His mercy and thank Him for His goodness, beauty, greatness....for His Everything. For how fair He is to me. How much He gives that I do NOT deserve. It is really amazing if you think about it. I mean, how many people do you know would stick around after you ignore them over and over...only going to them when you needed something, and always begging you for forgiveness? How many people would stick around after you totally ridiculed them by the way you acted in your everyday life ? This has just been such a struggle to me to get on the right path, and let God be 100% in control. The kind of control that people around me notice. You know? Not the kind that people know I am a "christian" - but the kind that they KNOW that God is FIRST. That HIS kindness is first. HIS love is first. Although it may be me in the flesh - it is all GOD. You know what I mean? It has always been a struggle for me and it is really only my fault. I am the only one who can ALLOW that change in me. God is the only who who can MAKE it.

Wow - had no idea this post would go there.....


Lauren said...

Great post Katy.

They times of refining, and allowing God to recenter what needs to be are exciting times.

And my 3 year-old is up even later than yours. We call them "restaurant babies."

Anonymous said...

Great post and way to go for just typing what you are feeling at the moment. We hear people's hearts when they do that. :) You were meant to do great things in ministry...I have always, always known this to be true. I will pray for you as you search for your "niche". Love you.